20

LDN tomorrow! I can't waitttttt. I really hope I get to see Jai and Katy I miss them so much! But not as much as I miss Covent Garden, and all the little shops at the Victoria area! London is such a dream. :)
Plus it'll give me a little time away from Singapore which is exactly what I require! I kinda miss school but still! SUMMERRR yah. I really miss Jeffrey now ahaha but when you hang out with friends, it somehow becomes easier, and I think that I can actually get through Grade 12, and I find it's best not to worry, but rather let it go and see where it takes us. This is why he said sometimes waiting is better because you're not trying to push it anywhere but you're allowing it to take it's natural course, and that's how you know you're meant to be I think!

I can't believe the school reads our blogs! I find it so scary but still I think a little privacy would be much appreciated.

I'm thinking of taking a whole load of pictures of london and making a scrap book out of it yeah? I think it would be so awesome. I wish I had a polaroid to capture all the lovely moments, but there's always next summer... and of course korea :)
So that should be all until a long long time later, where I will let myself worry about EEs and such! I wish everyone else a good summer and we can swap stories after!

maybe you were just afraid
knowing you were miles away;
from the place you needed to be
and that's right here with me.

19

Friday was a much better day for me. I didn't get my results back for history, BUT when I went to the history office to get books for my IA, Ms Holdcroft happily told me that I got a 6 for my essay on Paper 1. I was so ecstatic, but I didn't show it because most teachers were there, so I replied 'Oh really?' Happiest 'Oh really' I ever said. But we still got our psych IA's back, I really don't get why I feel so happy whenever I finished a big project, and assume I'd done really well, only to find the opposite. Thank goodness this was only the first draft! I still have time I think..

Then after I went to Jeffrey's place to discuss this imminent thing. It went quite well, and we came up with a plan, that we should break up (what contraries) and go see what else is out there. I think this is important especially for him, after all he IS in the US. I honestly think, no matter how I dislike it, that we both should go date other people, UNFAIR that he will probably do that faster than me, because people here remain the same. Regardless, however if we felt the same, we would meet a year later during my summer break. I think honestly, that that sounds like the best plan so far yet, and probably the one I most hate. Yeah okay, so we take the year to get to know other people, but I'm not as good as him in doing that, and I don't know if I should wait for him, or get on with it. And promising to meet in the summer of next year sounds so reckless, if we have not been talking. I don't know, we can iron out the kinks later. Then he showed me a song that used to remind him of me, and we got irrevocably sad. I don't know why sometimes I don't cry infront of him, when he's the only one that can comfort me.

I like blogs, in the sense where they show you what people are thinking, so here goes: I'm really grateful to lily, tomoka and shirly ( and somewhat pandit :\) for talking to me through this. I'm really the worst person to talk to when I'm upset, and I really appreciate that you guys were there for me since I don't really tell this to alot of people :)

I wonder if any of them actually will see this lol.

18

I haven't posted in ever! so much stuff has been happening, project week, my birthday and exams. Just in that one month that I didn't post, 4 little weeks my life has completely changed, because now I think I'll become more focused and prepared for everything now with sats and results coming back. Oh dear keegan, come back and tell me my english grade!

Today was leaver's assembly and Jeffrey's last day in school. I wasn't that sad, until it hit me that he would never come by my locker again, or that I wouldn't be staying back everyday in school with him in the music rooms, or going across to the HDB's for their rooftop gardens, or just bumping into him whilst walking around campus. I can't imagine what it would be like not having Friday frees without him because he's always been there, and it's like he's meant to be there, we've never missed once. Who will now walk out with me practically everyday, and wait for me during his Wednesday 5/6 frees to walk me to TOK class. I remembered Sara's post said that your half should add to your life, not complete it. It's so childish I find, that I willingly let him complete it, and now I realize that school-life from now will lose a certain part of meaning that he had always entailed. He left me a letter in my locker, ( damn everyone knows my code!), and I read his painfully adolescent scribbling that left me cross-eyed in English. It was so hard to hold back tears, because I didn't want the rest of the class to think I was crying over the book we were reading, so I stopped half way. and I couldn't read it on the bus, because Zara was with me, and I didn't want to worry her, so I ran back home to read it. The letter itself unleashed such a burden on me I wished I never read it.

I don't know what's it like to cry over something that makes me so sad, yet to know that this can only get worse, when he finally leaves the country. Cristina tells me she plans to break up with Donald before he goes, in June. They've been going out for almost 3 years, and that seems like a dynasty compared to mine. She's so strong, and I'm so envious of her resolve to end it. She told me that it's always best to end it, because it's so much better than moping around for ages, and thinking and missing them, just tear it off, like a plaster that has always belonged to you. The speed will always alleviate the pain, but how can we do that, when we belong so deeply to one another, and it's no longer a case of pulling off the band-aid, but rather leaving a part that has been so ingrained within you behind.

I'm not strong enough to end it, and not determined enough to persevere with it, so all that remains for me is to let it wilt away, which I think is the worst of both. I dislike telling this to my friends, because I feel like I burden them in the way that they need not be. It's just really complex right now, and I don't know what I want, so how to conclude? He said he'd make this forever, but such statements hold promises that are too big to keep.

Last night I fell in love without you

The stars at night aren't as big and bright

As you make them out to be

And every aching wound will cauterize and bruise

In memory of what we used to call in love

And only time will tell if violins will swellI

In memory of what we used to call in love

17

I just realized, that this ring of my friend's blogs, help me really understand what they're feeling. Because school is such a shallow thing, I guess people put up fronts, which I constantly take as their true thoughts, and that's been so silly of me. I guess with realization gained from their blogs, I could learn to treat them better. For some reason, I think I've been drifting from them, the people I knew since GCSE, but I guess this is good, because I'll get a chance to know other people, if I can be bothered. But I can't help feel slightly upset because of the lost closeness we used to have, or if there was any to begin with?

God, I'm so glad that horrific week of non-stop homework and in-class essays are over! I know, these essays are meant to help me, but it's entirely difficult to think that way at 2 in the morning, or if your handing is screaming out for mercy in class.

Yesterday was funfun, with cooking class to begin with, which was such a nice change to a weekend. Its nice to know that you're actually doing something useful, that could actually help your later life, something... productive! Especially doing it with friends, it's always nice and fun haha. Then tika's party, which was allright, then after I went to jeffrey's house. Next week is our 5 months, but I have a vague idea of what to do now. It's funny, because when I do something, I feel like I've accomplished something, even if it's small and stupid, and it makes it okay if he hasn't done anything.

My maid just notified me she had facebook.. well I guess that facebook is actually accessible to everyone then ahahahah.

15

I wanna colour up!

Today was such a good day, with no AWWA, I shouldn't be terribly happy, but I am, and I bet so is Annie ;) I think she's the happiest of us all actually. YAYY.

Ah, lunch the table was so so empty, which felt kind of weird, haha, but it was good that Jess and Tomoka could finally go home for once. Haha, I still feel anguished that we chose a social service that prevented them to go home.. but little we can do for now.

Then after school, I actually intended to buy stationary at popular at novena, because it's all been strangely disappearing, and colours help me remember! But me and shirly, after giving in the Coriander cheque for cooking classes, which starts on 28th feburary (remember remember!), and we went to Kitty Palace, my goodness the place was packed with sanrio stuff! And everything was so cute!

Thenthen went to eat korean food at the korean level of velocity! AHHHH hamsang! So yum yum. Pity there wasn't any cold noodles that I liked, but I love their ikan bilis ahah and kimchi omnomnomnonon. Shirly looked so happy with her bibimbob?? ahah so cute, and I hope her mom liked what she brought back. Ah, I can't get over how lovely the food was. We should go there again yes yes :) bibimbob sounds like such a funny name to name food. Lets go to CHANGCHANG okayy! I'm so strangely excited by food all of a sudden.

What a nice day! Except I didn't get to buy my pens..but that's all right, I'll get them in the weekend. It made me forget about all the trouble English has been giving me, but I guess it will motivate me to prove her wrong. But I really like what we're studying now, it makes so much more sense to me, like it just clicks with me, rather than stupid math.

Why did they have to talk about EEEEEE!!! It worries me now! Gah.

14

I am so angry I think i might break a wall.
I don't even know what to write!?!?!? peibwhpbiehpishfhe die.

13

Goshh, I haven't written here for so long because I forgot my password to this hahaha. BUT not alot has happened, besides chinese new year and there's something I've meant to do for tammie.
It just struck me how much I've needed her all these years, when I've never realized it till yesterday, when she had left suddenly off msn. Then it hit me, how we've been in different schools for so long, and now she's just moved to the single best junior college here ( I am so incredibly envious and proud of her), and we're really moving on in life, and I can't seem to make it stop. I remembered when we were younger ( and so much more naiive!), that we promised each other that we would go to the same university - Cambridge none the less!- and go tour France since she's loved that country for ages. And I'm just so so afraid she would forget these things and leave, living her own life. Not that she belongs to me, but with friendship that has lasted so long, I can't help but fiercely protective of it. It's not like we were best friends, ever, but it's been something I can rely on, and has helped me grow innumberably. I've told her things I wouldn't have dared to tell any of my friends now, and through that grows some sort of guided confidance we have with each other, or that I have with her anyways. Her words to me, seem to be made out of the fabric that is meant to encompass my world, and it makes me wonder why I've taken so long to tell her this.

It's so funny to think how arrogant I've been, thinking that I didn't need her as much as she needed me, and how was disillusionment occurs, and leaves you with a hole. And now watching that Flash birthday card she made me on the computer (I couldn't even pass computer sciences!), it's made me sad, because I haven't done anything as sweet for her. Moreover, sometimes I haven't talked to her for awhile, and therefore conversations get strained and left hanging, which frustrates me. So I guess I'm writing this out of a guilty and nostalgic conscience. She's always been there for me, and I know she's one of the 2 people I can fully trust. From my ex-school, besides valerie, she's the only one I have living contact with, and surely that must mean that she is something to me. However, I'm not so naive to think that she and I will be best friends, and stay in contact forever, becasue surely we have to grow up ( although she's doing that alot more than I am), but since I've failed to cherish so much of our friendship for so long, and it's only now that I realized how much she has impacted me, and I can't help but realized I love her, and as a friend, she's one of the best ones out there.

because we all could use a little hope, you know? that feeling that everything is going to be okay, and trusting there's going to be someone there to help make sure of that. - one tree hill.

Uh, well parent's teachers meetings went okay I guess, my mother embarassed me as usual, but that is expected. Haha. But I look forward to going out tomorrow with good reason!

12

I really really need to scream right now.. its almost one in the morning and I'm still not done. piesghwpibhwrpbihrwpbih it's okay I keep telling myself fuckkk. I need someone to talk to, to vent to, someone to reassure me. But my mom is sleeping, and my dad I don't really know how to talk to him, and my friends don't deserve me yelling at them about this shit, and Jeffrey is packing and I dont want to disturb. I shouldn't shouldn't shouldn't have left it so late, although I had the entire week, and I grounded myself from going out with friends just to finish this shit. I really really want a 7 in english. I can't settle for anything less, and this IOP matters and I don't know what to do. aiehbrwih I'm so angry at myself I can't even do anything.

Nevermind, I'll update this things tomorrow, not that I have alot to say, but I do think it's due for an update.. Ahhh, fuck even if my IOP is over tomorrow, Jeffrey leaves to Korea. :\ I'll miss him. But at least CNY will give me time to hang out with my friends, I can't help feel like I'm neglecting them for him sometimes.. :\

WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT THIS

I HAVE SO MUCH WORK

NO SLEEP TONIGHT.

11

SEUNG RI IS V.I.P <33
I can't wait till Lily, Shirly and I go to Korea to find out respective soulmates HAHAHA.
I haven't been updating in agesss gahh, so much to do!

Today's thursday, so that means its AWWA day. I think the kids changed alot over the Christmas break, like they became more crazy. Like yileen's husband suddenly became gay, and starting saying he loved the two new guys that joined us, hahaha KORKOR. I kind of feel sorry for them becasue they are NOOBS hahaha. But I can't help but feel so incredibly tired today, and I used to feel this sense of overwhelming pride whenever I came back from AWWA, now I'm kind of tired all the time, and I have so little enthusiasm for everything, so I guess I have no FLOW, like Mr. Abad said. I wonder what FLOW feels like.. hahaha. So jaded!

Today, we missed English with Keegan for a random film on the Pakistani-Indian issue. No offence, I know its important and all that, but it was so incredibly boring, and most of the grade were fast asleep. I know because I could hear people next to me snoring. I fell asleep on Cristi, ahaha, but she didn't mind. Like the movie was some kind of excuse for nap time for the G11s Some indian music started blaring at such random intervals, I think it was a way to wake us up, but that nonetheless failed :) It took up so much time! We couldn't even have lunch properly. Sigh, sometimes I feel I'm kind of immature about like these kind of stuff, like war and genocide, and all I think about is when they'll let us out, and what can I eat.. nevermind.

IOP why why why! WHY did she put it on saturday! I guess I shouldn't complain. At least I'm only doing it infront of 4 people, so that would loosen the nervousness. I hope.

Oh dearrr, my dad just texted me asking what kind of joke I was playing, when I put Seung Ri on his desktop background, oops I think I forgot to change it back. Ah well he's more interesting than his boring fish! I've totally forgotten how to listen to english music, and all my dayss are filled with cracking :)

hello weekend, what took you so long?

SHIRLY STOP INSULTING SR I WILL KILL YOUR HELLO KITTY.

10

School started! I don't mind really, I secretly enjoy school ahaha, becuase I think I'm leaving in 2 years, so might as well embrace it.

Today, someone in my english class presented his creative project, and I was so amazed at how well he spoke. It is unfair that some people are just so eloquent and confident at public speaking, I wish I was? His speech was practically flawless, although it got boring, his tone made you want to listen. I need to know how to do that.

Gave Jess her duck today, was pretty embarassing to walk into school with it, hugging a toy duck. And its not like it was painted in a subtle colour, but rather YELLOW and not small either! Ahahahah, oh wel I think she liked it :) which as goood. Valerie go her strawberry 'souffle' plant from Lily. Giving presents is so much fun! Alot of drama has been going on in schol now, but I guess if we just stay out of it, it wouldn't bother us I think, but easier said than done. Shit, I just realized I left the candie valerie gave me in my locker! NOOOO.. and i hope maribelle doesnt take it HAHAHA. :)

Excited for tomorrow! I think.. yes I'm finally going to exercise! After a term of no movement, I kind of miss PE i guess, so tomorrow squash with lily! And a korean girl and niki G :) I hope its fun, even though I don't know to play and all that. I wish our school would have more variety in their sports, like footbal rec and softball, not like fricking laoshi's lion/dragon dance. :\ Which only reminds me how weird my chinese teacher is.. jesus christ we should get her a boyfriend.. but I like her, she's funny.

My dog's been making weird noises lately, so she sounds like that chewbacca from star wars. I think lao shi should go touch her throat to tell me what's wrong with it.. :\ hahah EW.

BIO TEST BIO TEST. I hate Ms Williams!! Why do I get all the weirdo single teachers..

9

9th post! first post of '09! I like when coincidences happen. Haha christmas beat new years for me, because I managed to go out with him, but new year's eve was sadly pathetic. Staying at home, helping my mom plan her spinsters parties are never fun. Ah well, to next year yes? Yesterday, I finally saw Tomoca after ages, which was nice, and now I feel terrible only chipping in $3.50 to a $300 bill, haha oh dear. I'll get someone to pass the money to him. Yesterday night was amusing, I would have thought it would be awkward, but not really :) Then after that in the early morning was such a mess? With everyone having simultaneous problems, but I don't think we did have problems at the same time, but rather it makes it easier to tell when you know people are more or less going through the same thing.

Hongkong was amazing with Lily! So much fun, shopping non stop, and the food there is good. I'm so into H&M right now? Plus I hear they're gonna build one here but I'm not sure how true that is. I seem to constantly blog at bad times, now in the midst with English presentation, with a Psych one hanging over my head, but I honestly cannot be fucked to be bothered with it right now. I should write new year's resolution, but I dont think i can handle the disappointment, that even after a year, I wouldn't have completed any. I'm starving.

Anyways, I watched Alice In Wonderland the day before yesterday, and I realized its kind of very deep for a children's movie? How odd, hahah. I can't help but think that this has incredible optimism to the way we deal with the new year! :)

Alice: I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!

Tomorrow's school. Such a downerr, but nevermind, I'll get to see my friends again which is always good, there's a certain anxiety about buying presents, and I think I enjoy giving them, hahah having that look on their face.

8

merry christmas!

London was amazing, it is so much more christmassy there than singapore! I could really live there, and meeting my cousins there was brilliant so yay :) I have to go to sleep soon, so it will be quick. Hahahah , tomorrow off to Hongkong! With Lily! YAYYY, hahahah I've been looking to this for ages! :))))))) I haven't been talking to my friends lately, hmm. I kind of can't wait to go to school for them, I miss them lots and lots. NO BUT I HAVE MY PRESETATION, FUCK. Oh well :\ shan't think about that now. eww keegan! I have so much fucking work when I get back, it's not funny anymore.

Folie A Deux is out by the fallout boy! I love that album so much, hahaha ripping it off all over youtube. Can't wait till they come, please please lets go Jess!! Pete Wentz although I don't really like him haha. !!! excitement :D I think 2009 is going to be good. My parent's suck! Hahahah.. they didn't get my anything, but that's all right. I love them both most of the time, and they buy me stuff sometimes so its okayy. I went to London and fell in love with the Vespa all over again. They look so chic and so modern, I want to drive one so badly, or at least sit on one! Hahaha.

Went out with Jeffrey todayy, and we bought couple rings? Hahaha don't know about how I'm going to wear that in front of my mom, but its okay. I think its cute and i guess it's sort of been 6 months, with like a long break in the middle :\ my cousin thinks of it like that. 6 months is a long time.. haha and I find that kind of scary because it doesn't feel that long! :) shit and I have to get him his christmas present! I'm such a terrible person hahahaha.

oh baby, you're a classic. Like a little black dress

lovelove falloutboy!

MERRY CHRISTMAS! technically it's boxing day now, but who gives.

7

I haven't written for agesss, and my post before was such a downer! Must cheer up. It's now 11.11 and like Jacy always says, make a wish. Which reminds me that I have to re-add her. Ahh, Valerie.

Anyways, we're getting ready for london! I can't wait, I love love winter, but we're soo unprepared, like I don't even have proper shoes and jackets, so we have to buy it there. Not like I'm complaining. Can't wait to go there to like raid topshop, selfridges etc etc. And Oxford street, and Bourne Street for music sheets and saxophone accessories, ahhhh I really cannot waitt. Plus seeing my cousins are always good, I haven't seen them for ages. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to bring my computer there, because I really want to skype people from singapore. Ah well, like it matters now.

I've been sleeping so much now, I think when I'm bored or have nothing to do, I become sleepy and stupid haha. I really need to work harder! Seriously, like the first day we get back, I have a 12 minute (what a random-ass number) presentation on the themes of 1984. I mean, I love Ms Keegan and all, because she's so motherly, and it sounds really stupid, but she makes me at ease, and I feel safe with her :\ haha, but first day back is SUCH a drag, plus the biology test DIRECTLY after first period. SIGH. I honestly wish I wasn't SUCH a bloody loner in english class, and I can't help but feel like such a whiner about the english subject, but it's really bothering me and I feel like stabbing Duncker for putting me there, with her stupid reasons. Regardless, I hope she remains a spinster forever. Too evil.

Anyways, today I went with my mom (of all people) to watch Nick and Norah's infinite playlist. I really really liked it, the music was so fresh and indie, such a difference to the mainstream stuff. Plus I think Kat Dennings and Micheal Cera looks so much better than the pair in Juno.. I like the type of art there in the opening credits, if only! I could draw like that. Except, it was kind of awkward watching with my mom at certain parts where it got sexual. I guess we haven't reached that stage where stuff like that is open, and I honestly hope we never will.

I wish Antoine would shut up and stop screaming in French because no one gives a shit about his many problems with Duck. She's been having a rash lately, and her furs been falling out. But still! Yelling at my dog is not going to make hair drop less frequently idiot. I'm so glad he left to go first to Liverpool, but we'll be meeting him later. Ew.

Alot of my friends have left, like Valerie and Jess and Maribelle. Sigh, I miss them already! Hopefully in England, I get to meet Katy! Please please please. These last few weeks have been uneventful and boring, with the interruptions of my irritating sickness. Tomorrow, I'll go to Kinokuniya to pick out a book! I love these bookstores, with novels and pretty covers, they make me happy. I am so sad! Hahahaha. But I could spend ages there, and I really love the idea of reading in a warm cafe in the winter in London, or Liverpool. My cousin is telling me how he plans to play football with me and the family when we get to Liverpool, hah! I really don't think so. Anyways, I owe a call to Jeffrey. It's such a pain hiding him away from my mom, and the lenghts I have to go to make sure she doesn't find out. I wish she would mature and accept that I'm growing up. I don't really know how to broach the topic though..

I might get lazy, and not update in a while, but I've forgotten how nice it feels to write about everything.

Regardless, Merry Christmas everyone!

If I know you, I probably miss you now. :)

6

i'm rather scared now.. :\ because my dad told me that i should sleep overnight in the hospital to keep my grandpapa (nonno) company, but he's unconcious, and breathinng so noisily on the machine, because he had the repecussions of his previous surgery and i dont know, it's complex. still, its really creepy to be sitting her, alone since my mom left just now, and all i'm hearing is his breathing, and coughing. i told they i didn't want to stay here because i'm just freaked out, but i have to because i dont know, but this sounds really weird, i'm just afraid he might like pass away middle of the night, and i want to be with him when no one is, so i agreed to stay. yeah, i know we're not really allowed to stay overnight with patients, but this is my dad's ward, so i guess he can just do whatever the hell he likes hahaha.

so i can't really regret it now. i mean i love my nonno but this is like crazy scary haha. idk ill just stay on msn, and keep in contact with anyone who's online. and i dont know, i just feel bad, because like i kind of wanted to go with everyone else to tomoca's friend's party thing, and then after that sleep over at shirly's place, but i obviously can't now, and my mom sent me feeling terribly guilty, so i'm here. i can't say i exactly resent it, but currently im not exactly feeling excited about anything in the dark ( since they turned off the lights to help him sleep which makes no sense since he's passed out), but i know if i had gone out with them, and he got into a problem, i probably never could forgive myself, so i should be happy here :)

besides! i have internet access thank god! i wonder if i played happy music, like basshunter, would help hahahaa. i dont think the nurses would really appreaciate it if i had techno coming out of the room, THEY ARE SO MEAN! anyways. i hope you guys like sara tomoca and shirlz have fun there! :D

god, i've been having such a bad cold for the last few days. and today in history, i kept sniffing, and probably pissed sara off ( sorry!!) and like i couldnt wait for school to end just so i could go to the fucking toilet and blow my nose. i probably infected valerie during chinese class. today lao shi said something about how she wants a daughter more than anything in the world, but she can't have one. i found that kind of really sad.. sigh people abort all the time, and there will always be people like lao shi there wanting a kid. and at lunch, jeffrey was such a darling, going out to buy bubble tea for me. thank youuu cintacinta.

gosh, i'm incredibly depressing today! hahahah no. i shan't be, like XOC said today, ' cheer up, duck! its the long weekend.' he really has crazy eyes. sigh, sometimes you really creep me out.. but you're kind of nice to me so i cant really hate you. hahahaha and yesterday, me and JOSS had do sell food for the parent teacher's meeting, it was pretty cool, seeing all the teachers, and whatever. mrs keegan's so nice to me! sigh. she donated money. i should really try harder in her classes!

tintin is stupid. go and die HAHAHAH how come he's so rich? wth his money is in money which has credit cards inside. so basically his wallet is made out of money. i thought teachers were always poor ahhah, but apparently not. and when he left, he mouthed ' byebye', or so i thought, but joss said it means ill pass. then i thoughtshe said all the best and i was very happy. then she said he mouthed ill pass. WTH useless tin squared. anyways. haha ill do it with jess again, i find it cool. mr slliw is cool with his doorknob hands :)

i feel much better now, except there's always this weird clunking noise coming from my grandpapa. sigh, it makes me really uncomfortable to see him so weak. i just heard david cook come on my shuffle, and i think it suits nonno so well :) one day, i'll dedicate a post to him. nonno, not cook ahaha. it makes me smile.

try to leave a light on

when i'm gone

something i rely on

to get home.

and when its late at night

you can look inside

you wont feel so alone.

aids tomorrow! busy busy busy. i wonder how busy this weekend will be! last weekend before i go to london i think..? i can't wait, i hope my cold goes awayyyy. and dont come back another day.

5

it's december already! i love christmas, especially at marks and spencer's hahaha, they have special themed christmas foods, and they are so yummy, especially the snowball chocolates they have that my dad bought last week.

school's ending in two weeks, and i find it so hard to get into doing homework and such, i really have to change my attitude :\ because i have to do well! ahhhh. anyways sometimes i think i worry too much, but like things kind of work themselves out in the end, i guess. anyways, today i managed to skip english to go out and finally watch quantum of solace, ahaha and before the IQ test that we had asked me what QUANTUM was and i didn't know. it wasnt as good as i thought, and everyone was right in saying that it was confusing. OLGA KURELENKO whatever also wasn't as hot, and i preferred vesper so much more! and that james bond, idk he's like fucking superman or something, like he can break off door handles with his hands, and walk on the banisters like he's walking on level ground, then take out like 5 ARMED MEN in an elevator. wth. but still, it was nice spending time out of school with him.

anyways, i have an tok essay like pressing in my head, asking me what thought affects language, and i think it does but i dont have evidence! its so annoying when you know something but you can't prove you know it, so you kind of just have to say its intuition, but i dont think squidward would appreciate that. aww i shouldn't call him squidward, i like mr davies. but still he really really does look like him.

tomorrow school will be a drag, FINALLY completing my damn oral for chinese, and im scared out of my mind, doing whatever quadratic shit for maths, and the teacher cut his hair so yuck, he looks like wayne rooney, then biology!?!? i really hope our paper sets well, or i would cry. i feel terrible for not bringing the sieve for nabila and indri, but i really forgot and sunday was such a hectic day already. i think i might do a seperate experiment on paper at home if the school one doesn't work out. i still feel bad sigh. anyways.

i wonder who actually reads my blog, and i can't help but find it creepy and weird when people i dont really know read about this, and they find out about my live, because i never intended for this blog to become kind of personal which is kind of is now? and i can't really control it, but apparently there is a password pop up that you can install to protect your blog from unwanted readers, like tammie told me, and i might use that and give the password to people like jess, sara, tomoca and shirly and people i know, because they're the ones i care about, and wouldn't mind them reading. but i dont know if i can be fucked to do it haha, but as tomoca so kindly puts it, my life IS boring so maybe soon? ahhaahah i donnoooooooooooooo. :) whatever, i just find stalkers creepy.

i love chinese class now, lao shi is like insane or something, but her sound effects are brilliant but no one seems to get it besides me! how disappointing. with the 'zzzt' and the 'piupiupiu' how is that not funny! and its fun to plan things with valoz, like today we decided to become malay construction workers to irritate jacy who we kept calling boss. BOZ ahaha valerie i almost cried in chinese class.

actually, its weird, i mean im in grade 11 already, 3 years old i thought i'd be mature and completing my homework, doing extra credit work, community work, after school job, school team whatever shit, ahaha what a failure! i haven't grown up at all i think, and that's kind of worrying, but like my aunt said in the summer, ' cogli l'attimo, lettie' i hate how she calls me lettie, and all my cousin in italy call me that and wth nevermind! the point is, that we have to live in the moment, and who cares if i'm still immature hahaha, as long as i know when to grow up and be responsible.. and ' manage my time'. jesus my mother said that. its so scary.

ANTOINE IS BACK! which usually means dinner has arrived. i think it was the best idea that my mother started dating a chef. GOOD GOING. :)

wth, looking at the amount i've written, if only my tok went half as well!

4

so many things to say!? not really, actually i dont even know.

anyways, friday was a decent day, giving the speech to the english teacher, i swear my heart never beat so fast. then my tooth like BROKE because i kept biting my finger and idk the filling was bein gay, and like it FLEW IN THE AIR and thank God i caught it or it would have been weird, for them to see a white thing fly from my mouth :\. anyways, i dont know, the speech when quite badly i think, not that i stayed around to find out. seeing the head of UPPER SCHOOL there, made me quite dizzy, and scott and his facial didnt help me at all because he looked so ridic, and idk hahah i dont really wanna think about it.

NIKKI HAS A BLOG AND ITS THE SAME SKIN AS ME, its okay, i still love her.

and how do i link?? this is so confusing.

so on saturday, i did all the same things, tuition-church blah, and i know the highlight of sunday should be my church, but ever since i've become the leader of the church cell, its like stressing me out, with the combination with homework? i can't cope and i know i can't give up, because then the pastors will be so disappointed in me, wasting all their lessons and training in the academy. and i keep having to come up with lessons for the kids to learn, and its not as if they're idiots and like 10 year olds, where i can just bullshit. they are like 14! or something ( haha i dont even know!) and i know im not ready to take care of them, but i have to anyways. i just really want them to grow up the right way in God and that's the only best i can do.

such digression! hahahaha, anyways i went to my dad's house, and he wasnt there, big surprise. so i went to searchh people in big bang because eun jee was talking about them, and i didn't really get what she was saying, hahah but NEVERMIND. then lily came online ahaha and we started obsessing about the guys there. ahahah i started hyperventilating so badly, and got dizzy again. anyways i'll make you hypervent :)

i like what he's wearing, ahahahahah then shirly came online and we started going crazy. ahaha so WEIRD. anyways, he makes me smile.

then we skyped, and as usual i fell asleep. on the computer, i think i might get like cancer from the radioactivness but idk. and it didnt help that my nose was blocked like a fucking dam, and i guess it like clogged up my head or something. ahah i hate my sinuse.

OH DEAR its raining terribly hard. and my mom is coming soon to bring me to cut my hair.. i really hate cutting my hair, i used to scream and cry because my mother cut my hair like a mushroom when i was much younger, and its like bad experience! ahahahah and its school tomorrow so if it sucks, there's no way to hide it. : ahhhhhhhhh.

and tomorrow is mufti day! and i have no red clothes to wear, why do they always choose some kind of random colour! i have to go out and get it today. :\ i mean aid's is cool to help and all that, but at least let us wear a ribbon or something? ahahah.

anyways, jeffrey and i can FINALLY go out on tuesday and like its the only thing im looking forward to, thank you mrs keegan for letting me skip class. next week is going to be a good week having frees and whatnot. as long as the hair dresser doesnt have like a spasm. pray pray pray.

nan neourul saranghae jeffrey.

i dont even know if he'll read this but okayyy :)

I LOVE YOU GIRL ahhaahah lily!

shirlz and panz are FINALLY going out. im so happy for you guys. happy in the rain. its so heavy now, i can't even see the next door building. :\

3

so i just came back from career whatever to decide my future career. what a pointless piece of crap! honestly, i just got home at 8! i know i tend to stay back because there's no one at home and it's fun to stay with your friends, but this is ridiculous. and moreover, the tests we did to determine our future career were terribly stupid. EVEN I could see what they were tryin to do.

asking us question like, 'do you see yourself working on a dairy farm!?!' wth. can't believe my mother bothered wasting $340 on some shit like that when people out there need money. or maybe i'm just angry i wasted my time because i had so much homework, i dont know. it just makes me irritated to know i wasted my time, just like that feeling when you get up from a nap you know? but at least naps make you feel good :), the tests just gave me a headache. anyways, i'm pretty happy its over.

you know what's funny, the oddest people you'd never expect would, make you so happy in life, and you kind of wonder how you managed to live all this while without them. and they kind of make the people who annoy you matter so much less. and i find that really cool. ahahah such thoughts worthy of a TOK essay.

anyways, i have so much work! i have to write a damn psych IA again because my teacher refuses to read my handwriting. my math teacher today told me he could always recognize my handwritin since it was so unique. i can't tell if that's a good thing, but who cares really, haha he recognizes a part of me!! i could cry. oh my, how pathetic! hahahah oh wells, its fun having a good-looking math teacher your friends can talk about together, since most of the math teaches are like fat and grey..

i really love english now, i know i complained insanely because i didn't get mr scott, but who cares! he couldn' have appreciated me like ms keegan does. sigh, it's been ages since i've been praised. being called brilliant infront of the class and the stunned look on her face was enough to like, make me cry. haha sad, i know. but still! and i have a speech to present, and i'm really nervous yet kind of excited about it. ?? such contradicting emotions. such is life!

i like staying back with jeffrey, he's like one of the reasons i look forward to school. and he knows how to like make me smile, and its rare you meet those kind of people, and its important you make sure you appreciate them. like that picture certainly rounds up what i feel :)

can't say the same for his friends though. :\ hahahaha

anyways! homework must do.

B TO THE I TO THE BANG BANG :D

everyone says they hate mondays, but i dont think thats such a big deal, just another day? yeah.
anyways school, we're having a student council election, and its like these 2 guys running against each other. I guess ill vote for whoever talks better because it doesn't really mater anyways. ahaha but i find it funny how like this student election is like a direct mirror with the US elections. Wonder if the results will be the same.

anyways. i wish they wouldnt put the posters in the toilets, i find it rather creepy after this grade 9 girl put her face on every toilet door. honestly. i would get sick of seeing my face so many times!

today really was like cha soba day. i ate it in school, then my mom cooked it AGAIN for me at home. ahah i prefer the udon type though. oh my, i talk so much rubbish.
what am i doing hahah, blogging when i have so much work!!

but math is always important and i get to see him tomorrow hahah lalalalala. tomoca must be jealous because she only gets to see ms poon ): and get spat at. i do miss her in my math class. too much work! fricking oral tomorrow! yao ming valoz and me are going to win! ...

which reminds me that i have to call her about now!

nihaovaloz :)

1

why is this blogskin so hideous? how do i change?!?!?! this is irritating me, staring at dots. whatever, tomoca went on and on about blogging, and everyone joined, so i finally gave in lol. pointless weekend really, except for doing homework. which i have one more essay left!! rushrushrush

yeah and it started raining. brilliant end to a weekend.

so cynical for a first post!