13

Goshh, I haven't written here for so long because I forgot my password to this hahaha. BUT not alot has happened, besides chinese new year and there's something I've meant to do for tammie.
It just struck me how much I've needed her all these years, when I've never realized it till yesterday, when she had left suddenly off msn. Then it hit me, how we've been in different schools for so long, and now she's just moved to the single best junior college here ( I am so incredibly envious and proud of her), and we're really moving on in life, and I can't seem to make it stop. I remembered when we were younger ( and so much more naiive!), that we promised each other that we would go to the same university - Cambridge none the less!- and go tour France since she's loved that country for ages. And I'm just so so afraid she would forget these things and leave, living her own life. Not that she belongs to me, but with friendship that has lasted so long, I can't help but fiercely protective of it. It's not like we were best friends, ever, but it's been something I can rely on, and has helped me grow innumberably. I've told her things I wouldn't have dared to tell any of my friends now, and through that grows some sort of guided confidance we have with each other, or that I have with her anyways. Her words to me, seem to be made out of the fabric that is meant to encompass my world, and it makes me wonder why I've taken so long to tell her this.

It's so funny to think how arrogant I've been, thinking that I didn't need her as much as she needed me, and how was disillusionment occurs, and leaves you with a hole. And now watching that Flash birthday card she made me on the computer (I couldn't even pass computer sciences!), it's made me sad, because I haven't done anything as sweet for her. Moreover, sometimes I haven't talked to her for awhile, and therefore conversations get strained and left hanging, which frustrates me. So I guess I'm writing this out of a guilty and nostalgic conscience. She's always been there for me, and I know she's one of the 2 people I can fully trust. From my ex-school, besides valerie, she's the only one I have living contact with, and surely that must mean that she is something to me. However, I'm not so naive to think that she and I will be best friends, and stay in contact forever, becasue surely we have to grow up ( although she's doing that alot more than I am), but since I've failed to cherish so much of our friendship for so long, and it's only now that I realized how much she has impacted me, and I can't help but realized I love her, and as a friend, she's one of the best ones out there.

because we all could use a little hope, you know? that feeling that everything is going to be okay, and trusting there's going to be someone there to help make sure of that. - one tree hill.

Uh, well parent's teachers meetings went okay I guess, my mother embarassed me as usual, but that is expected. Haha. But I look forward to going out tomorrow with good reason!